Broken
by AlternativeRocker
Summary: Entry for Jello Forever's May "Empty Promises" challenge. Jane has changed everything for everyone with his actions. He knows he needs to let his friends - especially Lisbon - get over him, but it's hard to let them go on without him.


**Authors Note: **Entry for Jello Forever's May challenge 'Empty Promises'. Thanks to Iloveplotbunnies, LSR-7, shepweir always, Brown Eyes Parker and FreekyDisaster18 for the reviews on Wish Upon a Star, feels good to know people enjoy my writing. It feels so weird to not write fluff for this show, I think I'm changing into a different kind of writer because all my fandoms seem to be refusing to get fluff out of me :O :P  
So this fic is set sometime in the future, after Jane and Lisbon have grown even closer, you shouldn't need any more of background details because it kind of explains what's happened the whole way through. Reviews are always appeciated :)

**Spoilers: **The Jane/Lisbon scene in 'Carnelian Inc.' which we should all know off by heart by now and to 'Red Brick and Ivy' with Sophie Miller.

**Disclaimer: **Nope, I don't own the show or characters or anything else you recognize from the show, speak to the genius called Bruno Heller for that :) I own the plot and the first season on DVD, that's about it.

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**Broken**

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It wasn't supposed to feel this way. He had just got the revenge he had been wanting for seven years and although he was still going to be in prison for the foreseeable future he had managed to secure a self defence sentence so it wasn't going to be forever. So why did his heart feel like it had been crushed into a hundred pieces?!

Jane looked around. There wasn't much _to _look at, the fours blank walls and metal bed frame was something that was to be expected but it didn't make it any easier to adjust to. It made it feel as though he was back in the hospital, waiting for Sophie Miller to appear and weave her way into his soul. Those days had been the worst experience he had been put through - maybe even more dreadful than the night when he had found his family's bodies - because he had to relive all of that and his youth too all put into one.

It might sound as though he wanted to put the blame on someone else but it wasn't, it was all Jane's fault. She didn't have any idea what he had planned that night when he headed off in his car to the little house in the middle of nowhere. The team had thought he would just be going to get a stupid gift for some stupid celebration that he would invent to get them all happier.

Jane knew that he had promised her that she could trust him but he had also thought she would know that when the time came when they were up against Red John that the promise would be forgotten about but apparently not.

He could still remember Cho trying to take over the arrest when Lisbon lost control. First had been the tears rolling down her face, then the shouting and chest-punching had taken over.

_"You selfish son of a bitch! You said I could always trust you and now you've gone and done this!"_

_Trying to push her arms to her side only seemed to make her more aggresive. "Lisbon, you always knew I would."_

_"I thought you may have grown up since we met and realized that what you have now done is irreversible and life-wrecking!"_

_"He's dead Lisbon." The proof of that statement was lying just a few feet away from where they were standing, lying in a pool of his own blood with a gunshot wound to his stomach. Jane had wanted the death to be as painful as it could be and he knew that the stomach was filled with acids and since he had been part of the SCU for so many years he knew it would be the perfect way to watch Red John die._

_"He would have got the death penalty anyway. God Jane you've ruined so much now." There were still more tears appearing but she didn't seem to care; it was as if she wanted Jane to see her this broken and that hurt._

"_Lisbon, you've known me for so long, this is the one thing that I wanted to come out of joining the CBI. You knew that when I signed on, you knew that when you did the trust fall. Accept it Lisbon, we both knew this day would come."_

_"I must have been mistaken when I thought myself and this team meant a lot to you."_

That had been his last vision of her as he was dragged away by someone - possibly Cho or Rigsby, he wasn't sure - as she broke down against the wall. She thought he hadn't saw her until she tried to wipe her eyes and gazed over at the police car in which he was sitting in, staring at her. Now no matter how many letters he sent or phone calls he made she had never once got back in touch.

The one thing that could possibly make him feel worse was thinking about the inevitable time when he would hear the news that Teresa – his Teresa – was moving on with her life with someone else, maybe even having children.

He brought his knees up to his chest and thought back through the years he had spent with the CBI; Lisbon had bailed him out of so much and had been there for him during all the horrible cases and had put up with his joking around. Anyone else would have given up long ago. But not her, she had stayed for the full duration, she didn't deserve what he had put her through.

The stupid thing was that he knew he should stop thinking about her and he knew he should start playing mind tricks on his fellow inmates but he didn't have the heart to. Just to hear her voice once more would be enough, to know she was okay.

Rigsby came to visit the next week to tell him how everything was; he was the only one to have done so in the past six months. Lisbon had apparently lost quite a bit of weight and never went out to the bar with them after work. Jane couldn't help but shudder at the thought she may have started doing her drinking in private, if she had started doing in-house binges then he would never forgive himself. When the younger man had left Jane decided what he had to do. He only had one phone call left this month because of all the one's Lisbon had ignored, yet he hadn't given up on her just yet.

"Hi Lisbon, this will be the last phone call I make to you, I swear. I need to say a few things first though. Holding you in my arms after telling you that you could trust me was the best feeling I had had in a long time. I know you won't ever believe me when I say this but you changed me Teresa, you're one of the few reasons I'm even alive today. I don't know if you are still listening to this but if you are I want you to realize how much you shaped me in those years I worked for you and I will never be able to repay you for it. Rigsby told me that you aren't looking after yourself and I hate to think of you like that so please make an attempt to get better, even if it is just to make your team happy. I love you Teresa." Jane was being totally honest with her answer machine and it scared them both as Lisbon listened on.

She assumed he knew that she was sitting on the ground, staring at the phone with silent drops of water running down her cheeks. Where else would she be? It wasn't as if she had a full social calendar lately. The phone had started to ring just as she finished boiling some water so she could make some instant noodles, they were more or less all she lived off now. She hardly noticed how little she was consuming, even the fact that her clothes now looked larger on her wasn't an issue for her to deal with. Just hearing Jane's voice was enough to make her fall apart though and end up sitting on the ground. Every time he had called in the past she had had a warning because she recognized the number that lit up on the handset but since she had been in the kitchen she didn't bother to check so the first indication she had was when he greeted her.

Lisbon wanted to pick up the phone more than anything but that would make her feel weaker than she already was. She wished that time could rewind so that the events of the past few months had never happened; that Red John had been caught but not killed by any of her team, even if the armed response unit had shot and murdered him it would be better than this. The trust fall had changed so much in her, she had begun to trust Jane at that point though she had tried to hide it behind humour, she thought of how open he had been with the truth about Sophie Miller and she kicked the table in front of her with as much force as she could muster. Everything had going so well between them; their relationship had been progressing so much, nether had admitted it in as many words but they knew they were close to starting a new stage with the other. But then they - well Jane - had got the tip-off about his enemy and it has spiralled out of control into this.

As he ended the call Jane realized he had tears from his eyes too and it was a strange sensation because he hadn't once felt bad enough to cry since being arrested, killing Red John had made him feel as though he was worth something but true enough since moving in to the prison he hadn't thought about the real feelings he had for Lisbon. But wasn't this how he had wanted it: Red John dead by his hand, the woman whom he cared for was now ignoring him and attempting to erase him from her mind, although it meant hurting herself at least she was doing something about it unlike him. He had spent the past six months looking at the same items of furniture, eating the meals as if it was a chore and harassing Lisbon with phone calls. It had to change. Or else it would break him up more than it already was. He needed to leave Lisbon alone, it would be painful to hear that she had a new life but she would be making a go of things and it would be worse if he carried on the way he was, making them both feel more dreadful, and he had a horrible feeling that if that happened Lisbon may end up in hospital, or worse, before the end of the year. And he never wanted to be the cause of her pain so he had to grow up. Grow up and leave his old life behind so everyone could have a chance of living their own lives. Lisbon had been right, he had ruinedd everything but now he had to try and mend it.

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**The End.**


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